Fresh anecdote

Ensign says recruits:.
- Face of a soldier - it's his boots. They must always shine like the smile of an idiot. Whoever does not understand, showing.


The teacher explains the difference between matter and consciousness:.
- Consciousness does not have long. We may not have thought of 15 inches. And we can not think of 2 pounds!.
student:.
- A figure on a pint - easily!.



The woman at the reception of the psychiatrist:.
- Doctor, you can call my persecution mania?.
- Why do you, darling?.
- For me the past three years no one was watching, and so want to!.


HE: I rOstegivayu tvAi jeans lOdonEmi leading to the inner thighs stArone tvAih despise them below the knees tvAih this pre Chiba prEhoditsya you get up again and I sadishsya palchEkom brave tvAi panties to the side.
SHE: I'm excited in my hand, long, long. pencil and begin to correct spelling mistakes and put the punctuation in your letter.










- They say that having sex is equivalent to the same as the hundred-meter race run!.
- Do not. I stometrovku for 5-6 seconds never mileage.


The friendship between a man and a woman ends when she unzipped his jeans.





I have a friend.
He prefers to get acquainted with the ugly.
Why not?.
They do not need to persuade.


- This cream, which is your wife all the time to buy in the drugstore - it's that way for a person?.
- No, it is a means of contraception.
- Yes?.
- Yes, because when at night she rubs his face, and then it just scared to come!.



The most reliable test - Pool.
If a woman is afraid of the pool to wet hair, so as not to damage the hair, run away.
If she jumps into the water laughing - jump trace.



A woman should be rigid and strict: to cause joy, good cause, expose affection!.




Nothing in my life seen epic than moving on a cart with a horse with the Gypsies BLUETOOTH- adapter on the ear.



Going out in new shoes, heels, take an empty bottle of wine under. better that they think that you do not know how to drink, what you do not know how to walk in high heels.



The greater the age, the more the rich:.
Silver ( in hair ), gold ( in the teeth ), stones ( kidney ), sugar (blood ), lead (in feet ).
And the inexhaustible reserves of natural gas.
We never dreamed of such wealth.


Comes in there the Indian passport office.
- I want to change the name.
- Why?.
- It is a very long.
- Well, what is your name?.
- Bolshekryly wild eagle, a stone falling from the sky.
- Really longish. And what new name you choose?.
- Bdysch.



And remember, Lieutenant Cinderella, at midnight you will become the lieutenant of police.
- A head?.
- Here I am, alas, the helpless, his head and left a pumpkin!.

- Tell me boy, and not the son of integer random Alikhanov??.
- Well. actually the son of. But that sho accident did learn from you!!.


Go to the left - do not get home. Go to the right - the left does not have time.


A woman in a shopping center - as a taxi unless you shout - do not stop.


Every day on the House -2 come the mountain of correspondence, viewers send letters, parcels,.
toys, sweets, treats, such as cakes, sweets, rolls,.
cakes. By the way, just out of cake specialists have learned a total of.
3 tons of potassium cyanide and 2 tons of TNT.



He wanted to sing and dance, but interfered with suitcases in their hands, as he watched mother in law.



He wanted to sing and dance, but interfered with suitcases in their hands, as he watched mother in law.



I know what cellulite! .



This friend never ask - why? .

Phrases, overheard.
the barber:.
- Everywhere mow, trim soup, remove mohnorylost.
***.
- Shear under ...
***.
- Anything to shave the back, and let that hang from the front.
***.
- Cut off anything that is hanging, and then in the morning is so that you do not know where to put.
***.
- I was cut, but not very.
***.
- Make me a long ass.
***.
- And, I can pee the most?.
***.
- I bang bite, please.
***.
- Clean the mess with the brain.
***.
- I have a beard is growing much faster than the head.
***.
- And, I just cut the front end!.
***.
- And if I could in the Zadeh hedgehog to do?.
***.
- Facilities in order give me!.
***.
- Give the mirror, go back to his peasant show.

Guy almost every day, my wife nags. Well, no peace!.
Man went to a witch.
agreed. The witch gave him a bottle of the drug, and says:.
- The wife of his drink - and all! .
The next day the man resorts to the witch and shouted:.
- What have you done, old! .
- Like what? .
- Gone.
- Well, what claims?.
- Well, the sound - it was!.



Aladdin found a lamp, rubbed ee. From there, the genie came out and said, ' I will fulfill your three wishes '.
Aladdin scratched turnip and says, ' Come on kosyachki! '.
Kurnuli.
The next day, again, the genie comes out: ' Let's second desire '.
Aladdin scratched turnip and said, ' Well, kosyachki! .
Kurnuli.
On the third day the same story. ' What have you got third wish, Aladdin? .
' Well, kosyachki! .
On the fourth day of sitting of such a sad Aladdin, suddenly out of the lamp a genie comes out and says, ' Well, to hell with you, come forth a desire to '.



There are two Easter odessite.

- Taki is not it?.

- Well!.



Agree, something different in the 60s of last century and is now perceived by the phrase ' boy glued to the club model '.


Masha moved to the train, but her happiness was not complete, if not counter-.



Do not rush to throw the wrapper on the toffee which you ate. You can zanyuhat her next glass.



Woos Arabs to Ukrainka:.
- Marry me a beauty, all you have to be gold and jewelry. Only thou shalt be my wife of 7.
- Fuck you! .



train. Gypsy - the peasant:.
- Gold plated pen daragoy! .
A man gets 500 euros:.
- And you tell me ka me, dear, half-life of radium!.
Gypsy in shock, his eyes goggled.
- Well, you do not deserve.

Toyota - manage the dream.
Honda - control reality.
Nissan - exceeding expectations.
Ford - Feel the difference.
Kia - art of surprise.
Mitsubishi - change for the better.
Infinity - rebellious passion.
Land Rover - whether higher.
WHA - not ssy, eating!.




A girl and a guy on a date....
- Will you do me a blowjob?.
- Come to the next.
- Why??.
- Nuuuuu.... I'm not very good at....
- A. Yasa! .



After the departure of guests:.
- Celia, do you notice? . He has a style all week to sit on the Indoor Exercise before you go to visit.



- Dad, but where I come from?.
- Yes, the problem, my son, not about where you come from and go to hell I crawled.



- Honey, what is your beautiful new blouse!.
- (She playfully ) And I have nothing under it.
- (He is not breaking away from the TV) Do not worry, another will grow!.



The guy courting a girl for a long time, but it does not take decisive steps.
Her older sister jokes.
- Kohl, and can, in the pants you got nothing? .
he shows.
My sister dies:.
- Anka, or do you get them, or me - this value should remain in the family!.



I was walking through the cemetery, ' Camel ' smoke.
on the burial mound with a wary look.
Suddenly a voice from the grave: ...
That's very simple, I gave up smoking.


I asked a Jew:.
you have six apples, if you give half brother. how much is left?.
Still five and a half.